This Rock Has Been Waiting For Me

Movie Review: 127 Hours

While mountain climbing alone in the Utah badlands, Aron Ralston's arm becomes trapped beneath a fallen rock in a deep chasm, forcing him to battle dehydration and madness as he devises more and more desperate plans to free himself. Stars James Franco, directed by Danny Boyle, based on the 2004 novel Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston.

Danny Boyle's unerring streak of eclectic masterpieces continues with a unique take on a classic theme of survival in the wild. After a short introduction, the movie quickly becomes James Franco's one-man show, and he and Boyle deliver a surreal and evocative experience that stays with you after the movie's over. It doesn't matter that you know he's going to cut off his arm and ultimately survive, it's still very vital and intense for the whole of his imprisonment. 127 Hours is a great film, and has a much better title than the book it was based on, Between a Rock and a Hard Place, although I guess it shows that the real life Aron Ralston has a sense of humour, too.

Dull Nights

Movie Review: The Hunger

Miriam Blaylock and her companion John stalk victims in New York City, killing them and drinking their blood. But when John begins to age rapidly, he seeks the help of anti-aging scientist Sarah Roberts. With John deteriorating, Miriam sets her sights on Sarah to replace him. Stars Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, and Susan Sarandon, is the 1983 directorial debut of Tony Scott, and is based on a 1981 novel by Whitley Strieber.

The Hunger starts off as a sexy vampire thriller that quickly degenerates into an overly abstract plot laden with inexplicable plot twists in a hollow attempt to be cerebral and mysterious. I became fixated on seeing this movie after seeing a few seconds of it on TV, and seeing Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie in a cool, old-looking building I thought "how could that be bad?" It loses points for phasing Bowie out early so that we can have a long and drawn-out seduction of Susan Sarandon's Sarah by Deneuve's Miriam, complete with lesbian sex scene which did nothing for me. Miriam's character suffers from mixed motivation and habits that seem unnecessary and unreasonable. The fun first half and killer opening doesn't make up for the perplexing and fairly dull second half and stupid ending.

99 Problems

Movie Review: Winter's Bone

With her heroin-dealing father on the run and her mother one step above catatonic, Ree has dropped out of school to raise her two younger siblings in a very poor rural region of the Ozarks in Missouri. Barely getting by as it is, Ree is told that her father put up his land and house as his bail, and unless she can produce him before the trial date, Ree and her family will be out of a home. She begins to travel the circles her father was involved with, but his former colleagues are not eager to help. Stars Jennifer Lawrence and John Hawkes, directed by Debra Granik, and based on a novel by Daniel Woodrell.

Movies about the extremely poor in America are never very popular even when they're pretty good, which Winter's Bone is. The movie is a good story, one that showcases a strong young woman character without getting hung up about it. Jennifer Lawrence's Ree shows in every scene a tenacity despite being so tired, worn out and downtrodden. While the plot of the film keeps the viewer interested, there's also shades of Ree wishing she could get back the standard seventeen-year-old life she had to give up which add a whole other element of tragedy. Ree is fighting extremely hard to keep her family just above water. Even if she saves her house, things won't get any easier for her. Lawrence is clearly the star, and though most other characters flit in and out of the plot, they are well-played by great character actors including John Hawkes, Garret Dillahunt, Dale Dickey and Sheryl Lee. I'm looking forward to watching Debra Granik's only other feature: Down to the Bone which also has the word "bone" in it.

The Taxi-Driver Delivers the Baby

TV Review: Fringe, "Bloodline"

Over there, Fauxlivia and her mother are growing concerned that she may have the same condition that caused fatal complications in her sister's pregnancy. When Olivia is abruptly kidnapped and subjected to an ominous medical procedure, Lincoln leads the fringe division on a desperate search for her. Aside from the usual cast from the other side, there are also returning guest stars Amy Madigan of Field of Dreams and Carnivàle, and Andre Royo of The Wire. Directed by Dennis Smith, director of two other solid episodes, and written by Monica Breen and Alison Schapker, who often work together, and of the two other Fringe episodes they've written, one is "The Plateau," a series highlight.

Fringe has been renewed for a fourth season despite being all over the place in the ratings, so the audience approaching this week could rest easy. Episodes set in the other universe have been stronger lately than standard universe ones, and "Bloodline" doesn't break that mold even if it leans towards the predictable. This is a main-character-has-a-baby episode, too, and though it's handled in a particularly Fringey fashion, it was nice to get out of the way, even if, like most births on TV, it didn't take place in a hospital, took only a few minutes, and was delivered by a character as opposed to a doctor. I'd mention the season eight finale of X-Files if it wasn't such a common trope. The episode is strong and tense throughout, and with Olivia out of commission there's a certain focus on Lincoln, Charlie, and even Astrid as they work to find her. It also deals with what they actually knew about Olivia's activities, which was a question that had been hanging in the air for a while now. That this seemed to be an episode that was assigned the purpose of speeding through Olivia's pregnancy seems a bit odd considering how easy it would be for Fringe to jump ahead (it worked on Weeds), and the birth scene itself was tedious. The cheese was all within forgivable limits.

There's Hope in Every Raindrop

TV Review: Fringe, "Stowaway"

A woman jumps from a tall building with a man committing suicide and is videotaped walking away unscathed. The team begins an investigation and soon discover that she seems unable to die. Meanwhile, William Bell has effectively possessed Olivia, and uses the division's resources to find a more suitable host. Guest stars Paula Malcolmson of Caprica and Deadwood fame, and directed by Charles Beeson, who also directed two other not very good episodes of Fringe.

Right away the episode got off to a shaky start. The lead-in had a very strange overwrought tone to it (the title of this post is derived of a recurring and shallow metaphor that makes its first appearance here), and the whole episode failed to recover from it or redeem itself. Now, the episode had a lot going against it immediately. Because Olivia was taken out of the field, Peter was relied upon to do much of the legwork. The plot also revolved heavily around suicide and featured two, and suicides are easy to handle badly. The only way to enjoy Fringe is to forgive some cheese every now and then, here and there, but "Stowaway" had a pile that just got too big too quickly.  There was an abundance of questionable philosophy about life, death, fate, and purpose coming from scientists. At one point William Bell said something to the effect of: "As a scientist, I don't like the idea that anything is without purpose," and while anyone can believe that, it's not a scientific ideology. The science behind this week's monster was pretty lame and loose, the plot was bloated with exposition for an episode where very little actually happened, and characters came to unreasonable conclusions based on sketchy data and were proven correct. The only highlights were an occasionally good Leonard Nimoy impression from Anna Torv, and seeing William and Walter working together (even if only sort of) is fun even when it's stupid. Normally I would think that introducing this universe's Lincoln Lee would win it points, but even that was mishandled, with Lee playing a rookie sidekick to Peter (even though Lee's a goddamn FBI agent and Peter's not anything) and offering no insights on Lee's character nor building a relationship with the rest of the cast. Hands down the worst episode of season three.

Inside a Robot's Vagina

Movie Review: Blue Valentine

Dean and Cindy struggle to maintain a marriage which is rapidly deteriorating, and remember how they first met and came to be together.

Blue Valentine is according to its tagline a love story and that's hard to argue with, despite being a very bleak film. I've never seen anything else by director Derek Cianfrance but the tactic of juxtaposing the central relationship's rise and fall makes for a film that jumps from one emotional extreme to another from scene to scene. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams continue to prove themselves as actors of considerable talent, and though they are the focal point of every scene they are surrounded by capable character actors John Doman of The Wire, Ben Shenkman of Angels in America, and prettyboy Mike Vogel who's only all right. Compelling, bittersweet, very raw and honest. Not a good first date movie.

Borat

Let's Make Sandwiches

November 2006

This was just a retelling of a conversation we had. I was the guy in the hoodie and Frankie was the guy smoking, except that Frankie didn't smoke, and it wasn't about Borat, I didn't own a hoodie, and I don't think the last panel actually happened.

Remember Borat? How 2006 of me.

Has Always Been, and Always Will Be

Part 5 of a Mortal Kombat Retrospective

Strictly speaking, the dead zone between Mortal Kombat releases was only two years, but it had been losing popularity for almost seven, and when Mortal Kombat V: Vengeance, was announced, it was greeted with little enthusiasm. Midway took steps to alleviate this through intensive promotional strategies, and it was considered a moderate success when it was released on the XBox, Playstation 2, and Gamecube in 2002, under the new title Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, making it the first Mortal Kombat with no arcade release.

The game brought the franchise into the 21st century, making a much more elaborate fighting engine, a vast array of unlockables (in the "Krypt") to increase replay value, and giving characters more unique and detailed looks. Each character had three fighting styles, two traditional martial arts and one weapon style. The developers attempted to emulate these fighting styles as best they could, and it led to more variety amongst the kombatants and a greater degree of mastery and strategy. Unfortunately, it contained the least amount of finishing moves since Mortal Kombat, with only one Fatality per character. It also introduced Konquest mode for each character, ostensibly a primitive story mode, which gave extensive background information on the fighters as well as trained players to use them. There were also frequent non-fight challenges - the return of Test Your Might and the new Test Your Sight.

The story of Deadly Alliance was the most elaborate and detailed at the time, and was much easier to follow thanks to Konquest mode and the (pretty sweet) opening movie. Quan Chi, fleeing Scorpion, stumbled upon the lost tomb of the Dragon King, giving him access to his undefeatable army. Quan Chi entered into an alliance with Shang Tsung to utilize the army, and together they killed their greatest threats - Shao Kahn, and Liu Kang (making this the first game not to feature him). We would also learn later that Goro had been killed in battle with the Outworld forces. Quan Chi used Shinnok's amulet to open a portal to the heavens, giving Shang Tsung access to unlimited souls and effectively making him immortal. In return, Shang Tsung drew souls from the heavens and implanted them in the undefeatable army, giving them a force capable of conquering the realms. Raiden gathered the champions of Earthrealm to bring them down. The game also featured several sub-plots involving specific fighters.

Returning fighters were Raiden who was effectively the main character, Kung Lao, Kitana, Johnny Cage, Sonya, Jax, Sub-Zero, Kano, an unmasked and bestial Reptile, Cyrax, and of course Shang Tsung and Quan Chi - the titular Deadly Alliance. The game also introduced many new characters: drunken master Bo'Rai Cho, young slave Li Mei - both Outworld natives, Red Dragon thugs Mavado and double agent Hsu Hao, blind swordsman Kenshi, Lin Keui apprentice Frost, oni demon Drahmin, and vampire Nitara. Also in the roster were hidden fighters Blaze and Mokap, as well as monstrous sub-boss Moloch, the oni compatriot of Drahmin.

The game had several drawbacks. The lack of more finishers and stage fatalities (a first for the series) made it seem half-finished, and several characters suffered from very stunted movesets; Kitana and Mavado were particularly weak fighters. Nevertheless, the game looked very impressive, made Mortal Kombat interesting again, and the library of unlockable rewards in the Krypt - which ranged from access to fighters, alternate costumes, and arenas, to minor but still cool prizes such as biographies, developer interviews, promotional videos, and concept art - gave the game considerably more replay incentive than any previous isntallment.

Despite already having a Gameboy Advance port, Deadly Alliance was redone as Mortal Kombat: Tournament Edition for the portable system in 2D sprite form the following year, and despite missing many characters from the original it also added to the roster Noob Saibot, Sektor and, playable for the first time, Sub-Zero's demonic ally Sareena, introduced in Mythologies.

Deadly Alliance put Mortal Kombat back into the modern gaming community, and though it failed to surpass competing franchises, it reminded fans that it was still alive and kicking in the first words of the opening movie: "Mortal Kombat has always been, and always will be." For better or worse.

Fuck the Doomed

Movie Review: Where the Buffalo Roam

Premier Gonzo journalist Hunter S Thompson recalls his drugged out misadventures at the turn of the 1970s alongside his rebel rousing attorney Oscar Acosta. These include breaking out of a mental institution, smuggling weapons from Mexico to domestic terrorists, and crashing the 1972 Nixon campaign.

A probably lesser-known predecessor to Terry Gilliam's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Where the Buffalo Roam is a very different movie despite the same sources and subject matter. Considerably more straightforward and not nearly as cracked out, fans of Fear and Loathing looking for a similar experience from Buffalo will likely be disappointed. This is the directorial debut of Art Linson, who would go on to direct one other film and then become a career producer. Still, Bill Murray's Thompson and Peter Boyle's Acosta are delightfully bent characters, and their political and social insights are fairly pointed and on the ball. Other highlights are Rene Auberjenois' performance as a White House correspondent on his first acid trip, and a bathroom run-in between Hunter S and his notorious nemesis, Richard Nixon. Where the Buffalo Roam is also one of a handful of movies that credit Neil Young under "Music By." What that constitutes in this movie, however, appears to be Neil Young singing the Kansas State song a few times (from which the film's title is derived).

Catching Up With Fringe

TV Review: Fringe, "6B"

Partygoers at a New York apartment fall mysteriously to their deaths, and it soon becomes apparent that they actually fell through the balcony they were standing on. The team rushes to find the source of this dimensional compromise before it becomes too large for them to handle. Guest stars include Colby Johannson, who is super cute and was on a couple episodes of Battlestar: Galactica, and Phyllis Somerville: prolific old lady. Directed by Tom Yatsko, who also directed "White Tulip," one of the best episodes of the series.

Rant alert: the concept of parallel universes independent of each other with slightly different versions of ourselves doesn't really work in any logical way if you think about it too long, but Fringe usually has a way of discouraging thinking for too long. To hearken back to the theme of a Dr. Manhattan speech in The Watchmen, the chances of any one person existing are so slim that their existence is clinically miraculous. This sounds very profound if you don't think about the exponentially larger figure of potential people that never existed. Basically: there are too many variables involved in a person being conceived and subsequently being born for them to coincide by chance in two distinct universes. Now for the purposes of Fringe (and, I suppose, Sliders) I can generally shrug that logic off, however in the episode "6B," the common elements of the two universes were flouted in front of the audience and it was difficult to ignore. The premise was that an elderly couple existed in both universes, but in our universe the man had died and in the other the woman had died due to differing results of a coin flip. They also, incidentally, live in the same apartment in a building which also exists on both sides. The surviving wife and husband are so devastated by their grief for each other that they compromise the dimensional barriers separating the two universes.

This was actually not that bad an episode, mostly because of Walter's continuing struggle with himself trying to repair the damage he's caused, and also we finally got to move forward with Peter and Olivia's relationship. Walter's goal of duplicating Walternate's amber 31422 highlighted his growing desperation at the deterioration of our universe that he is responsible for. Brace yourself for one of Peter's stupid speeches, which inevitably saves the day.

While this episode takes no discernible nods from X-Files, it does take an odd inspiration from "The Farnsworth Parabox," an episode of Futurama which featured a parallel universe whose only difference was that coin flips had opposite results.

TV Review: Fringe, "Subject 13"

Back in 1984, Walter and his wife Elizabeth try to acclimatize Peter to his new home and dispel his suspicions that they aren't actually his parents. Walter also discovers that one of his young test subjects, Olive, is responding to the Cortexiphan treatments in ways he might be able to use to transport Peter back to his own universe. But Olive's got shit to deal with at home. Guest stars include Chandler Canterbury and Karley Scott Collins as young Peter and Olivia, respectively, as well as prolific TV actress Sarah-Jane Redmont, who I mostly equate with Millennium's terrifying Lucy Butler. Directed by Fred Toye.

I encountered with this episode the same problem I have with Smallville. Olivia's fragmentary memories of Jacksonville make a certain amount of sense, but for her and Peter to have shared a fairly memorable childhood experience (running off) that they both seem to completely forgotten is pretty convenient, and seems like an unnecessary ploy to build a prior history between them when they don't really need it. Luckily, 80s Fringe is always a lot of fun, and we also got to see insights into Peter's relationship with Elizabeth, and some elaboration on what drove her to suicide. John Noble nails is performance as a pre-lobotomized Walter, slightly more brilliant but still pretty sinister. Young Peter is a better actor than Joshua Jackson.

TV Review: Fringe, "Os"

A botched robbery at a metal depository reveals that someone is developing an injection that allows people to levitate. Unfortunately, the process isn't quite perfected yet. Walter, frustrated at his inability to figure out how this was achieved, resumed his research to commune with William Bell. Guest stars Spin City's Alan Ruck, that actor who was everywhere in the 90s, sexy Greyston Holt, and a cameo from Lost's Jorge Garcia. Directed by Brad Anderson, my favourite Fringe director.

This was the first episode featuring Olivia and Peter the couple, so we got to see that Anna Torv and Joshua Jackson share little to no sexual chemistry. I thought it a bit interesting that, perhaps to confirm Peter's defense as to why he hadn't seen through Fauxlivia, Olivia has begun to act a bit more like her. She's slightly more relaxed, smiles more frequently, and is possessed of a better humour. Walter's outlandish plans to essentially resurrect William Bell are kind of all over the place and follow no real pattern. His conclusion that his breach of the dimensional barrier has relaxed the laws of science suggests that Fringe is only going to get crazier, which I'm all right with. Alan Ruck's well-meaning but misguided scientist is given more attention than many of the previous well-meaning but misguided scientists, but Ruck is good enough to hold our attention. As to the big twist at the end of the episode: I'm cautiously optimistic. Anna Torv has had a demanding role as it is, but I feel like if anyone had to do a Leonard Nimoy impression for shows at a time, it might end up looking a bit silly. We'll have to wait and see.

Office

Let's Make Sandwiches

November 2006

This comic arose from our propensity to animate inanimate objects, the premise of The Brave Little Toaster, and also the American version of The Office was taking off at this point.

To Show it All Would Take Too Long

Movie Review: The Fighter

Massachusetts 1993. Micky Ward is an up-and-coming welterweight boxer starting to make a name for himself in the professional circuit. His major obstacles, however, aren't his opponents in the ring, but rather spotty training from his crack-addicted former boxer brother Dicky Eklund, and poor managing by his mother Alice.

I'm a guy who knows nothing about sports in general, let alone boxing. I am also a guy who tends to roll his eyes every time he sees the words "Based on a True Story." Last year's Oscar-darling The Fighter is a boxing drama that covers all the requisite bases and offers no real surprises, but it's a well put together film that really gets you into its world and cheering or cringing alongside its protagonist. I've never seen Mark Wahlberg give a performance I would call impressive, and The Fighter doesn't remedy that, but it's not too hard to see why Christian Bale as Dicky and Melissa Leo as Alice both won Oscars for theirs. And even if Wahlberg can't really act his way out from under those shadows, he still looks like a big beefy Mark Wahlberg for the duration so I'm not going to complain. It's a funny and moving story of human triumph, and also Amy Adams is in it to appeal to the straight demographic. Any subtext there might be is pretty shallow, but it's mostly a character study, and I guess there's always room in the world for a few more sports training montages and Never Give Up speeches.

Although seriously, Paramount, that was, like, one of the worst trailers I've ever seen.

For anyone who missed Christian Bale's acceptance speech, here is Dicky Eklund's website.